Tag: there is hope

Jealousy

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How many times have we wished for something someone else had? How many times have we wished we looked like another person? Have you ever just wanted to break down and cry or worse thinking that the grass would be greener if you were someone else?  What about how amazing that dress looked on her or her hair? Wow, I wish I had parents like them? I wish I could win the lottery. How are her kids so well behaved? Their house is just beautiful why can’t we have that? What about trying to keep up with the “Jones’”? So often in life, we don’t hold value to what we have thought that there is something better on the other side. We are all in the race together so let’s celebrate the accomplishments of each other rather than inwardly coveting their blessings. I can say that I’ve had some of these issues and it’s not an easy thing to be green with envy over something else.

My biggest jealousy was always of my brothers. They both have their lives pretty together and both have amazing wives that support them and love them no matter what. Our parents on each side in my eyes favored them, and I would always hear how amazing they were and how awesome their wives are. For a long time, this just caused me to sink further into a pit. I wondered why wasn’t I that awesome? Why wasn’t I good enough for the phone calls or messages that I heard they would get? Why didn’t I feel like they approved of anything I did or bragged on me for being awesome also? I was seeking their approval after all I had done to hurt them, and I pray someday that they would think I’m awesome also. I would feel like the black sheep and after a long time of dwelling on this, it came to my attention that I brought a lot of it on myself as an adult. I have spent a lot of time in prayer over this one because I know the Bible says not to covet. It also says that,

“Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?”

Proverbs 27:4, NIV

To me, this is saying that jealousy will poison our soul worse than anger or fury and I’ve been working to cleanse my soul, not add to it.

The childhood jealousy I haven’t figured out except that I was a constant reminder to the other parent of a marriage that failed. I understand this more after going through a divorce and I have a son that is a spitting image of his father. It’s hard but you must get past it. The child is not responsible for their parents’ actions, look deeper and love the child no matter who gave birth or provided the seed for that beautiful baby to come into this life. All children are a gift from God no matter how they come into this world. We need to cherish them and train them correctly. They desire love and attention just like anyone else. Inside a lot of us is still a child seeking the approval and attention of their parent. Thankfully there is a father who loves us no matter what and wants to have a relationship with him. We just need to open that door and let him in.


As an adult, I pushed my parents away because of decisions I made thinking I knew better than they did. I listened to someone who did not have my best interests at heart and in the end, cost me almost 20 years of time with my parents. That huge gap of time is not something we will ever get back but can only try to move forward. It’s a slow process, sometimes slower than I wish. I get very impatient wanting my parents to be in my life, but they have their lives also.   I keep reading,

“But each person should examine his own work, and then he will have a reason for boasting in himself alone, and not with respect to someone else. For each person will have to carry his own load. The one who is taught the message must share his goods with the teacher. Don’t be deceived; God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows he will also reap, because the one who sows to his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit. So, we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up. Therefore, as we have an opportunity, we must work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith.”

Galatians 6:4-10

So I will continue to sow in the word and reap the rewards when he is ready for me too.

I will be proud of my brothers for all of their accomplishments and achievements and still strive to regain my parents, but I will not let it be the center of my well being. My approval and acceptance come from Christ alone, everyone else is just a bonus. My blessings will come at the time appointed by God and until that time I will bless as many as I can within my power to do so. I saw a post on Facebook from @SimpleSteps2Happy that said, “Today… I choose to be Simply Happy” Go forth all my friends and make each other a blessing rather than coveting and let’s change the world.

philosophical

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This was my philosophy final that I submitted but felt that it had some good points so I am sharing. 

“Everyone’s worldview is a bit different from that of everyone else; moreover, worldviews can change subtly and unconsciously over the years.” (Sire, 2015) Each person has their own thoughts on what is true or false, right or wrong or their way of thinking. Everyone’s view of life can be traced back to how they are raised, tragedies that they endure, the life that they live and the belief system that in place of their life. Each part of a person’s life will categorize how they believe, what they believe and why they believe the way that they do. “We can divide the kinds of evidence at our disposal into three categories: fact (or empirical evidence); reason (or logical thinking); and experience (or human nature and the experience of life)”.(Wade, ND)
It can also be said that a “Worldview is a set of presuppositions (assumptions which may be true, partially true or entirely false) which we hold (consciously or subconsciously, consistently or inconsistently) about the basic makeup of our world”. (Sire, 2015) We are all taught to believe a certain way growing up, then as we experience life it teaches us different patterns and beliefs that we learn for ourselves. Sometimes good and sometimes bad but overall, these are what make us into the person that we are.
I try to believe that everyone has a good side that they need to rely on and let rule rather than give in to the dark side. Yet, as a victim of many dark side incidents, I still want to give everyone more chances than they deserve because I know what it is like to be looked down on and made to feel unworthy. I just feel that I’m not worthy in so many situations so how could I judge them and I will try to extend Grace to everyone. I believe that situations will carve a person’s life even from childhood through adulthood whether they want to admit it or not. When different situations arise, they may react differently based upon the past or how they were taught to think. I know I react differently to some than others will. I shake and curl into a ball at loud noises of yelling or cussing. This is traced back to my childhood and first marriage since after yelling and loud cussing it’s usually when the violence and abuse would happen. Others will either take it in stride and not let it impact them on the mental level or they will let it dwell in their minds and affect their overall way of thinking. This is a result of how mental illness can take effect on the brain and cause it to react differently. I have become very passionate about mental illness and the ill effects that it can have on a person’s thinking if they aren’t anchored correctly.
Mental Illness is becoming a topic that is needed to be discussed more. As the world has more incidents of evil coming into play it is becoming more evident that we all need to learn to talk to each other and end the stigma that having a mental illness is a disease that can be caught. You rarely will hear of anyone wanting to talk about their mental health yet so often we hear of physical health. While that is very important our mental health can also affect our physical health also. “Within each group, just world beliefs for self were significantly higher than just world beliefs for others, both among people with mental illness and among members of the public” (Rusch, 2010). This shows based upon a study done that people with mental illness think worse of themselves that others do, and I believe that part of this is because they feel like they can’t talk to anyone about things that have shaped them into the person that they have become. Suicide rates are escalating and there are now suicide hotlines and crisis centers for those that are having mental issues to that point.
I believe that we need to take time to encourage others and instead of judging them for their circumstances find out what is behind that circumstance. So often we will make rash decisions based upon the outside and the unfriendly voice that has come out that we fail to think, “what are they going through on the inside?” With each trial in the past few months, I try to think “what is God trying to teach me with this incident?” Mental Illness is a very large part of my brain and going through therapy and taking classes on Cognitive Behavior Therapy to unravel why I think the way I do is uncovering a lot of situations that I have tried to say I’ve gotten over but in reality I haven’t healed from those hurts before more were piled on top of it. I believe that everyone should have to see a therapist at least once a year to help with making sure those that really need help are helped and kept off the streets to prevent mass incidents that would hurt everyone. This could help eliminate the stigma of mental illness in the media with everyone needing to see someone it would become acceptable to talk about issues and get to the root of all of the issues, We all need Jesus!
“According to pollster George Barna, fewer than 10% of adults who identify themselves as born-again Christians hold to a biblical worldview”. (Phillips, 2008) For me personally, I believe in the truth of Jesus Christ and he is the risen savior. I believe that God created heaven and earth and everything in it (Genesis 1). I believe the Bible is real and that it is our guidebook for life including different circumstances that we can relate to and compare our situation to. We need to take more time to study it and apply it to our lives and I feel once we do that God will bless us for those efforts to worship him and spread his word. We should take the word seriously and when in doubt look to it for the answers that we are searching for.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

1 Peter 2:9 NIV

I’m not advised to go around and acting like we are better than anyone else because we are all sinners who fail daily, God loves us all and wants us to know him in a relationship that we build with him.
I believe that children should be cherished, but not enabled. I enabled my kids because I wanted them to have everything that I never had and not have to do the chores as I did. Now as adults they are ill-prepared for life and are having a hard time away from me since they left when I started to learn to quit enabling. I have learned the hard way

Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.

Proverbs 13:24 NIV

We do need more discipline and not abuse, there is a difference in my mind. The views of this generation haven’t been very biblical and that’s our fault as parents.
I want to help others overcome obstacles and bring Glory to God in all our times of trouble; he alone can soothe our souls it’s not the drugs or alcohol or approval of everyone else – only him. He should be the rock that we build our foundation on so that when the storms come, we are on that firm foundation and not washed away as if we are on sand. I believe in the Golden Rule- Treat others as we want to be treated and

Love each other as I have loved you.

John 15:12

I strive to live that way every day; helping people and loving them no matter how they act.
Overall, I believe in Jesus and the fact that he was born, lived, died and rose again all in order to grant a way to heaven for me. I believe in the Bible and that it is God’s word and instructions to us. I believe that we should live life in order to serve him and bring Glory to his name. Our purpose and mission in life should be to bring as many with us through the heavenly gates as we possibly can; and while we are here encouraging one another on this roller coaster of life. We have all lived through different tragedies and aspects of life and should lean upon each other to learn and get to the end. We will all run the same race but how we get to the finish line is very different. “God has great plans for you” Jeremiah 29:11 has become one of my favorites, he’s not done with me yet but I’m better than I used to be and want to reach out and help others get to the point that I am.
How do I implement these beliefs into my daily life is a daily struggle. I have mastered the art of being nice to people even when they don’t deserve it but am still working on boundaries in order to keep myself in check. I need to work on getting into the Word more and applying the lessons to life. I need to take a moment every day and break up the Bible into pieces and work to strengthen my relationship with God. I continue to pursue my beliefs and learn from those lessons that I have been through by starting to tell my story and help give other people hope that they can overcome and get through it also. I read a lot in order to learn more about how to deal with life and to overcome obstacles that come my way. This class has helped also with explaining unbelief to myself and how to understand more of why others may believe the way they do.
In conclusion, my beliefs are based upon the relationship with Jesus and that we all need him in order to survive. I strive daily to be a better person to glorify his name and to lead more to the kingdom of Heaven so that we can all be together forever.

Press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:14, NIV

That is my goal in life; keep pressing towards the mark for Jesus.
 
References

Rüsch, N., Todd, A. R., Bodenhausen, G. V., & Corrigan, P. W. (2010). Do people with mental illness deserve what they get? Links between meritocratic worldviews and implicit versus explicit stigma. European Archives of Psychiatry and Clinical Neuroscience, 260(8), 617–625. doi: 10.1007/s00406-010-0111-4
Phillips, W. G., Brown, W. E., & Stonestreet, J. (2008). Making sense of your world: a biblical world view. Salem, WI: Sheffield Pub. Co.
Sire, J. W. (2015). Naming the Elephant. Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press.
Wade, R. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/apologet.html

Peace

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I had a choice tonight; spend time with my husband whom I have barely seen or go to my support group. I chose to go to my support group and was well rewarded. The topic tonight was peace. I took notes and am adding to them also. If you need help always reach out to someone you trust. How many of us long for peace in our lives? But, where can we go to find it? In today’s society, there are so many options out there; we could pop some pills, smoke some stuff, drink a little drink and peace will come to us for a moment. But what if we could find a way to make peace a way of life?

To start off happiness is a choice that we must make. A daily choice to not let the dark clouds come in because those dark clouds of anxiety can quickly lead down the path of depression. Once depression has put you in a pit, there is a lot of climbing to get back out of that pit. With depression, it can be summed up as anger turned inward onto yourself.

Yet, the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore, he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him.

Isaiah 30:18 NIV

If we choose to succumb to those dark clouds, we are giving in to the enemy who comes to “steal, to kill and to destroy” (John 10:10). The enemy is a master of putting those thoughts in our head that will drag us back down to the pit because when we stay in that pit, he is victorious. We must make that choice to overcome and to let God’s light shine through those dark clouds. No, it is not easy and takes a lot of practice. We must learn to see the glass as half full rather than half empty. How in the world can we start to do that? That sounds like a rather tall order that just is overwhelming. You are right. But, the Prince of Peace, Immanuel, our Savior is waiting to help you through and to bring peace into your life. We are not meant to live life with our heads in the sand or in a storm. We are made to be VICTORIOUS! Few steps that I’ve learned, and we discussed tonight were:

Step one is to choose God and to surrender to his will. This may mean giving up our own will and to submit to his.

For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.

Romans 14:7-9 NIV

We have to accept the fact that Christ died for our sins and we are no longer chained to that former life. We are no longer slaves to sin but a child of the most High.

We need to see that he has given us a way to come to the Father and to submit ourselves at his feet in order to gain eternal life. God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are there to help us along our journey. We are to call upon the Holy Spirit to help us not be afraid. It is written 365 times in the Bible to Fear Not, now if that is not a reminder for our daily lives, I am not sure what is. What we think and speak are of what is in our hearts. So, if you want good to come out, you have to put good in! When that negative thought starts knocking at the door, just say “Not Today Satan”. We have the choice to overcome those thoughts.

Step two is to identify all areas in our lives that we are not fully submitting to God. There might be that one thing that we value above him. Ask him to remove it. When I started my journey, I asked God to start pointing those things out and help me to remove them and to move past them. My two sons no longer live with me because I was putting them on pedestals above God and my husband. This was not their rightful place. (of course, there are other reasons also but that’s a different post) We have to want to fully submit all areas of our life to God and he will BLESS you more than you can even dream of. If we keep our foot in the world,

Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God.

Romans 8:8

Are our prayers full of faith? Do we truly believe that God can take that faith of a mustard seed and move those mountains out of our way? Philippians 4:6-7 tells us to not be anxious about anything but talk to God about it. Let him know what you are dealing with and he will send his Holy Spirit to give you peace.

Step three is to develop a Godward mindset. We need to focus on God. Is what we are doing bringing glory to his name and spreading his good news to all. We must refocus our attention and change our viewpoint, not on the negative but to the positive! Remember the glass is half full not half empty. Start to take this mindset on everyday struggles and then move up to harder topics in your life.

Step four is to develop a dependence on the Holy Spirit. We need that desire to welcome him into our lives every day. Do we ask him to come and help us daily or sometimes think we got this? We need to ask for peace from the Holy Spirit, ask and believe that you have peace in your heart. Have him lead you to where you need to go in order to obtain that peace. God is love; he bleeds love his entire essence is love. So, with a God like that do you think he wants his children living in a storm? As a parent, I always wanted to shelter my kids from the storms of life, yet I have come to realize you have to let them go through it in order to learn how to deal with the storms. If we are always sheltered and do not learn how to deal with life, we will not understand that life can move us off our foundation if we are not planted on the Rock. How do we learn this but to go through some storms and see that we aren’t as strong as we thought we were?

Lastly but not least, PRAISE GOD in the middle of the storm. We could be going through the worst storm of our lives but if we persevere and praise God that we are going to get through it then guess what: we will with a sense of peace in our heart that surpasses all understanding. There is a reason for every storm that comes our way. Always persevere and have HOPE for a better day. It may be storming now but Joy comes in the morning. Every day is a new day to bask in our heavenly Fathers presence and love. He wants nothing but to bless His people, we just have to be open to receive that blessing.

A very dear friend of mine keeps saying, “We don’t deserve anything but Hell”, but guess what Christ made a bridge for us to get to heaven. We will all have a different journey through life and many different perspectives from the trials and storms we have been through. We need to encourage one another and to help along the path of life. If you need some encouragement reach out to someone. If you are scared, I’m always here just email me at butterflyhopekp@aol.com and we can agree together in prayer. Just as the Bible says where two or three are gathered in my name there I will be also. Let me help you and then you can pay it forward to help grow the kingdom of our Glorious King!

For more information regarding Anchored HOPE please contact us.

remain…

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WARNING: this post may be a trigger for some.

Please read only if prepared and with caution.

I always try to be as transparent as possible with you all. Any of you that know me closely know that this has been a difficult year in so many spiritual ways (totally nothing to do with a pandemic the world is experiencing might I add). The spiritual warfare is real and so is the transformation…though it does come with suffering. God has reminded me time and time again of THAT word He gave me for 2020…

R E M A I N.

We will suffer when we are being transformed, when we stand with Jesus, and yet we have no inkling of what real suffering even looks like– yet.
Our suffering fails in comparison to those around the world that risk their very life and life of loved ones just to worship Him, just to have His Word! So I do not ever want to compare my suffering to theirs.
But there is coming a time friend when we will experience great suffering for our love and devotion to Him. And THIS is what He is preparing us for!
So in an effort to keep that transparency with you in my struggle of being transformed, in the very breaking of my heart and soul for my loved ones that still do not choose to live for Him as if they truly LOVED HIM…here goes!

Yesterday was a very dark day for me. It seems when physical pain and our own sinfulness, coupled with loved ones living life as they always have, ends up leaving a gap in my mind for satan to waltz right on in.  I can spiral without even knowing I have begun the spiral, in literally no time at all.
The thoughts the enemy put in my mind were more vivid than I believe they ever have been…so real that God knew I needed more help, and help He sent at precisely the time satan was having me mentally blowing my brains out. (I told you it was vivid.) I was so blinded that I could only think of the ones that would be left behind.

BUT GOD had a huge prayer warrior, that obediently listens to Him, send me a sermon from the very same person HE used long ago when I sat in the hospital bed isolated after over a year of suicide attempts.

My friend, ONLY a LOVING GOD, an ALL-KNOWING GOD can do exactly that and at exactly the perfect time!
THAT is the GOD I serve, THAT is the God I love with ALL my heart!

As I say at nearly every group meeting we have had since 2015, I would LOVE to tell you HE has healed me from ALL of this – depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, physical pain, rhumatoid arthritis, fibromyalgia (that most people think is all in a person’s head anyway), degenerative disc disease all through my spine, etc. BUT He has not. What HE has chosen to do is to allow me to suffer in similar ways as others do so that I can truly understand, so that I can come alongside you and share His BEYOND AMAZING LOVE for us in that while we were still sinners HE LOVES US!!!

So I say all of THIS to say, it is crucial for us to have God-loving people within our lives at all times. It is crucial we do not leave a gap for satan to be able to walk into our lives. Our mind is one of satan’s most valuable places. Beware of that fact and be alert at all times! You better believe I was studying The Word of God and praying and the gap was still enough that the enemy could do his bidding within my mind.

But THANK GOD HE IS MORE POWERFUL AND ABLE TO DO FAR MORE!!! God has already beaten satan. We need only stand firm. And with the help of GOD Almighty, Jesus, and His Holy Spirit praying on our behalf at all times, as well as strengthening us and sustaining us, we will stand as we remain in HIM.

“Therefore put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm.”

Ephesians 6:13 NLT

For more information regarding Anchored HOPE please contact us.

HOPE in the midst of depression…

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There is HOPE in the midst of pain, in the midst of depression. Psalm 77:1-3 says it so well:

“I cry out to God; yes, I shout.

Oh, that God would listen to me!

When I was in deep trouble, I searched for the Lord. All night long I prayed, with hands lifted toward heaven, but my soul was not comforted.

I think of God, and I moan, overwhelmed with longing for His help.”

Psalm 77:1-3

The Psalmist continues for several more verses of the despair we know all too well. He knew what it felt like to be in the pit of depression and yet not feel the comfort of the Father.

But – just as he gives weigh to his despair, he recalls all God has done in verses 11 through the rest of the chapter…

“But then I recall all You have done, O Lord; I remember Your wonderful deeds of long ago.

They are constantly in my thoughts. I cannot stop thinking about Your mighty works.”

The Psalmist takes his focus off himself, his problems, his feelings and begins to worship Our Heavenly Father! Our God is ever faithful! Even when we can’t see it, even when we can’t feel it…He is always on the throne and in complete control – even when…!

Satan would LOVE for us to keep our focus on ourselves, our pitiful lives.

DO NOT GIVE SATAN THE CHANCE TO DECEIVE YOU ANY LONGER!

Psalm 86 reminds us to keep calling on God constantly! He knows what our pain feels like. He knows how weary and tired we get. He knows how our troubles and pain can be so great that all we can do is cry out to Him. Even when there is no relief in sight, He wants us to trust Him, acknowledge His greatness and trust Him as we wait for better days ahead. We have the assurance of Him answering our prayers. We need only trust in His will and His perfect timing.

CHOOSE today Whom you will serve! CHOOSE today to remember ALL He has done in and through your life! And commit to telling it to your family, your children, their children!

For more information regarding Anchored HOPE please contact us.

Karen’s story

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My story is one of trauma on top of trauma then of a redemption and transformation that has been changing my life as a butterfly. I grew up in and out of rough situations with drugs and alcohol at the center of it. Violence was such a normal part of my life that it didn’t seem weird at all. Just seemed to be normal.  It wasn’t till I was a teen that God was fully introduced into my life through my stepmom and dad when I went to live with them. Life changed, but my heart and mind didn’t. Something in me was crying out for love that couldn’t be filled of this earth. I certainly tried though and when it didn’t fulfill me, I would crash into a pit thinking I was worthless and unlovable. I tried to end it all several times and included cutting into the ritual.  Little did I know even then God was trying to get my attention to turn to Him yet I rebelled and searched the earth for something that was going to love me so that I felt whole. Part of my story was a 15-year marriage that sent me fully into the pit. I had rebelled against my parents who told me not to see this man or go with him because he was leading me away from the church. To me that meant it was more exciting and enticing, he was the “bad boy”.  I was like Eve enticed by the forbidden fruit. As it says,

“But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.”

2 Corinthians 11:3

After a time it became evident that he was the wrong choice but then I was too prideful to admit that my parents had been right so I stuck it out thinking he would change. 

“A man of violence entices his neighbor And leads him in a way that is not good.”

Proverbs 16:29

This man was abusive towards his children and I, yet by then I was brainwashed into thinking I couldn’t go out on my own. I had been cut off from my family and friends and felt as if there was nowhere to go. I then plundered into the pit deeper than I had ever been before. I prayed to die daily, prayed for my children to be taken care of by someone better. I felt guilty of all that I had put my kids through and wanted a better life for them. When my ex went to rehab that was the beginning of change, it was my opportunity to file for divorce and realize how deep he had ruined our family financially and mentally. We began the journey of change, yet my mental state continued to decline. With the loss of my grandparents plummeting me into that pit even further I was done. Here I was planning my graduation with my Associates degree, planning a wedding to my new husband, I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I wanted to die. It was after a fight with my fiancé and my son that I reached the point that it was done. I couldn’t take anymore, and everyone was better off without me around. I physically took the knife and tried to cut myself to end it all. The knife wouldn’t cut my skin or puncture my skin at all. I nicked my finger to ensure that it was sharp, and it was, I went to plunge it into my heart and it wouldn’t go. I mean what was wrong with this picture. It was at that point, that God spoke to me. He wasn’t done with my life even though I was.

“For I know the plans I have for you… plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a hope and a future”.

Jeremiah 29:11

That moment I knew it was time to get back into church and rededicate it all to him. So to say that it’s because of him that I’m still here is a dreadful understatement. I’m only alive because God stopped it so to me my life ended and this is where He started. I started looking for support and a group that would understand the mental issues that I had, a friend found Anchored Hope and sent me the information and felt I needed to check them out. Everything I have from this point on was to Glorify him and begin to help others overcome the feelings of hopelessness. He does have plans for all of us, we just need to be still and listen. 

For more information regarding Anchored HOPE please contact us.

DEEPER

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First off let me say, this post began February 20, 2020…it is only now as I finalize it and proofread it that we are in the state that we are currently in with COVID-19. Life is too short – I pray you will choose to take action today!

Hum…you gotta do some REAL heart searching when it takes you 6 years to get around to finishing that book.
God has a BIG plan and in HIS perfect timing…but in HIS own way  — NOT mine!
This is the book HE definitely gave me when the counselor said, “you need to go deeper.” She had no idea there was even such a book…she meant literally in my relationship with God.

So, I left there in tears and praying – how on earth do I go any deeper in my relationship with You Lord? I prayed as I drove by McKays (a massive store that sells used books, etc.) that I wouldn’t look at anything else…only what God pointed out for me…since shopping is my “go to” when I’m struggling with depression. And I kid you not – the first book I came to and saw on the shelf – there it was — DEEPER by Debbie Alsdorf.
God had once again answered my prayers!

But life… specifically our marriage, was restored better than ever before, and well I got distracted and life continued with the selling of our home because of my health. So, this book got placed in one of many boxes as we downsized.

Until… I heard The Father say, “it’s time to go deeper.” I knew immediately what He was referring to — so I led a Bible study with friends on Deeper. Awesome study, but once again life…cancelled groups, not everyone is able to make it, so I kept putting it off – once again prolonging the finishing of this book. We finally did end up finishing the book as a group with me and only one other… and yet I still have this overwhelming feeling knowing there’s still so much more God had planned for ME in this book, in this time of truly going deeper with Him!

Months later I felt an overwhelming sense and desire to go back through the book, the study, notetaking, highlighting, underlining! God is speaking directly to me “for such a time as this!” I continue to be blown away by His truths in this book, how every word touches my heart, touches an unhealed wound, cuts to my core — there’s still so much more He has for me, if only I would go deeper in Him, in my relationship with Him, in my trusting Him, in my love for Him, in my surrender to Him! But you know what other book speaks even more so than this one has to just me…. HIS WORD, the BIBLE!!!

Then God leads me on an awesome 24-hour getaway with loved ones for a women’s retreat! And what is the topic…”Embrace the Transformation”. Embracing the transformation God is doing in and through you, whether you like it or not. Just like the caterpillar has no choice about going into the cocoon…

“One day, the caterpillar stops eating, hangs upside down from a twig or leaf and spins itself a silky cocoon or molts into a shiny chrysalis. Within its protective casing, the caterpillar radically transforms its body, eventually emerging as a butterfly or moth.”

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/caterpillar-butterfly-metamorphosis-explainer/

There are so many descriptions of the caterpillar’s transformation, yet this one struck me most:

“In order to be able to become a butterfly, the caterpillar has to fall apart completely, decompose down to its very essence, devoid of any shape or consciousness. It literally dies. There is nothing left of it.”

https://medium.com/the-story-hall/chrysalis-or-why-the-caterpillar-must-die-f932b8c3700a

Even at the depths of our soul, even those unknowing, untrusting of God, cry out for this transformation! Oh, my friend, if only, if only we would trust The Creator of the world! If we could just begin to grasp His amazing love for us, even while we were still sinners, His amazing, sacrificial love for each of us! We would want a relationship with Him! He has a purpose and plan for each one of us! We each have a specific role, purpose to play in His divine plan!

I have so much growing to do…we all do! And the first thing is learning we can trust this God, Creator of the world, Lover of our souls, Friend, and Savior. Every day He is calling us to come away with Him, to a place where we can be still and know that He is God. What’s stopping you from coming near to Him? Is it anger at how God handled, or didn’t handle something in your life? Is it trust issues? Is it because you look around this world and think how on earth could He let all these things happen if He truly loves us? Oh, my friend, I understand. I get it. And more importantly – He gets it and He’s right there waiting for you to give Him a chance to speak into your life.

I’m obediently following His command to me to be available 24/7 for those hurting and suffering in the pit of depression. You don’t have to suffer in silence, you aren’t alone in this struggle! I understand more than you know and am willing to come alongside you as you go on this journey through life. If you are like me, you’ve tried everything else in this world – why not give Him a try!!!

Join us and start truly living now!!!

For more information regarding Anchored HOPE please contact us.

mundane

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What do we have to be thankful for in the mundane of every day life? Well let’s face it, though we go through everyday life, doing the same old thing, day after day — we do have an opportunity to make the most of every second of our time. And it is in those very seconds that we are able to grow, learn, and strengthen our relationship with God so that when the highs and lows of life come along, which they always do, you are prepared. You are equipped to handle them with His strength, His power. You are able to see the highs and lows through a different lens. You aren’t completely drained, empty, or void of all He is.We must choose each day, regardless of how busy we are going here and there, to be still and know that He is Lord. Psalm 46:10 We must choose each day to get alone with God and position ourselves in a manner where He can speak truth to us, where we can hear His voice! Let’s face it, we all live with way too many hurts, lies that have held us in bondage for far too long! I don’t know about you, but I’m for one tired of living to please everyone, knowing that I will never be able to please anyone! But I do know The Creator of the world, and He knew me before I was ever formed in the womb, Jeremiah 1:5. He created me for a specific purpose…and guess what — He created you for a specific purpose too!So in order to understand more fully what that purpose is, why we are even here in this world, we must choose to be still and allow God our full attention. It’s in the mundane of life that we must choose to be proactive so that we won’t be reactive. When everything in life is out of the ordinary it can be too much. Because mundane isn’t of the ordinary, we can and should take advantage of every second to be still, draw near to God. That’s when He speaks to us, preparing us for the road ahead, the highs and the lows.I’d love the opportunity to talk with you about how God continues to use the mundane in life for me…and prayerfully come alongside you as you too make the most of the mundane!

For more information regarding Anchored HOPE please contact us.

this TRUTH will set you free!

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The TRUTH will set you free! I’m sure you’ve heard this all throughout your life…or at least I have. Yet there is soooo much more to this than you could ever begin to imagine!

You see when I was in the beginning stages of trying to get well after my last hospitalization in 2002 for all the suicide attempts and ending the ECTs that weren’t working anyway, God took me in a direction, a direction I never knew would actually circle back around at this time in life. A time when my everyday life has proved doctors wrong time and time again, in spite of the chronic pain and health problems I endure. A time when I’ve been obedient to His calling to share my horrific experience, embarrassing story among not just anyone, but among other Christians, here God brings me back to where He took me well over 15 years ago! Ok…enough thinking back, are you ready for me to get on with the story? Okay, okay…but I am just beyond words! I’m just so completely overwhelmed at His amazing goodness, His amazing grace, His love and joy unspeakable…and all in spite of me and my efforts to end it all, to refuse to trust Him, to choose, even today, everything except Him!

Hold on friend – here we go!

God blessed me with a pastor, mentor and friend that I never fully appreciated as much as I have these past few years, Rev. Don Winn. He never failed to come and visit me in the hospital during that long, drawn out year…though I turned him a way time and time again, though I repeatedly tried to take my own life. Bro. Don was always there, always pointing me back to God and His love and forgiveness. I am beyond grateful for people just like him that God has brought into my life, and at the most critical times in my life!

You see Bro. Don introduced me to Bill and Anabelle Gillham through Lifetime Guarantee which opened me up to the life changing truths that I had never fully grasped all my life, truths that I never grasped even though I was raised in the church — everyday those doors were open! Now, whether that is because of me, my stubbornness, God’s timing, I don’t know and at this point I’m just beyond thankful for God’s grace to finally get it to stick – in my heart… not just my head! I highly urge you to check out their ministry…and especially the book – it was the beginning of the transforming of amanda, and the journey is continuing on even now! Lifetime Guarantee

Bro. Don took us through The Life study Bill and Anabelle Gillham have, The Life DVD Series FREE on YouTube. I highly recommend this series, though it was just the beginning for this journey in my life, I pray you aren’t as stubborn as I. At HOPE I like to take on a more positive view of myself, determined, rather than stubborn!

Once finished with that study, I had many a talk with Bro. Don and all the therapy sessions with professionals in Nashville, both Christian and non-Christian, medications, etc. — yet that hopelessness still loomed over me. But my hunger for God was more alive every day, so I asked Bro. Don if there was a better Christian counseling I could go to, and he pointed me in the direction of Grace Life in Brentwood. I remember it was a most unusual and surreal environment…yet similar to every counseling office I had ever been in before. This is where I was introduced to something so amazing, life-changing…Transformation Prayer Ministry. This method of counseling took me to a place I never knew existed, a place where things I held deep within my heart, and in the recesses of my mind would come to the forefront, a place where God would reveal His truth about the things I had come to believe that were not true at all. I had no idea the potential this type of prayer could do in my life until God has brought this back around, now 15 years later!

When we listen to God, that still, small voice, we never know what we are in for until we obey! And last week was one of those occasions as I was cleaning up the countless emails, delete, delete, spam, trash, etc. But there was one, one God clearly, but ever so quietly said, ‘Open’. I hesitated for a few seconds then went back to it and opened it. A free seminar by the author and his son on the revisions they had made to the original counseling model, Transformation Prayer Ministry. I hit the link, sought out the nearest location to me, and wouldn’t ya know they had recently added a Bowling Green, Kentucky, seminar! So in obedience, I signed up!

I was nervous, jittery, and restless the closer it came time for me to go to this seminar. I even found every excuse in the book, in my mind, ultimately in my heart to not go. But in all of that, I continued to pray for God to help me do exactly what He had called me to do at this time in life…regardless of the doors it opened up from the unknown lies within my mind and the fear plaguing my entire being.

You see last year I went through Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend. If you’ve never read this book, as every counselor, therapist I have ever had had instructed me to do since I was 13, I highly recommend you pick it up and read it, study it with a group and put the practices of this book into your every day life…but that’s a story for another day. I told my friend that I didn’t need to go through this as my boundaries were all good, but there again God spoke up and said “take it” so I did…thinking now with a new season in life with adult children and them beginning to get married, I’m sure I could learn some new boundaries! And toward the end of that study, that’s when it all opened up…worse than the mystery container in the refrigerator that has been pushed to the back far too many times– stinking, rotting, and oh so painful…but more than any of that – fear – yeah fear rose up in me at the very thought of there being something hidden deep within the recesses of my mind, my heart that needed yet to still be worked on, that needed still yet God’s truth applied – more than any band-aid has ever been needed…this was an outright cancerous growth that had to be dealt with once and for all!

Gosh! I got mad, irritated, and the suicidal thoughts returned out of nowhere! I hadn’t had any of those in soooooo long! But now, here, at this specific time, here they came…even more clearly and plaguing moment by moment than the past 15 years! I prayed asking God where in the world these were coming from, recognizing they were not of me, my sound mind I had come to learn and live by and now teach to others week after week, for over 3 years now! “Untruths that needed His truth applied,” God said. And then I remembered back to my time in counseling, the transforming prayers that had replaced the lies within my mind, with truths from God Himself! I was so afraid! I was afraid of whatever was in my past that still remained, that even after it all was said and done and I had come so far, yet still lingered within the recesses of my mind and held my heart hostage like no other! I prayed God would help me come to grips with it…that He would give me the courage to allow Him to do what only God can do! Weeks later, I finally gave up, I surrendered to God Almighty and said, “Ok – I’m ready Lord…let’s do this.”

A year later…yeah remember our time is never God’s time! And He is such a Gentleman! He never forces us into anything we aren’t truly ready for! So He gave me a full year my friend before the journey back to it all!

He is still revealing piece by piece, day by day, lie with truth…and I’m sure He’ll continue to do so til the day I meet Him face to face…but I trust Him and with His help I will remain in His will as He continues to transform me ever so gently! Though I’m sure, like you, I wish He’d hurry up and get it over with…but then I have no idea what lies are to be dealt with — He knows…and guess what? HE knows exactly how much I can handle through His Helper and in just the perfect timing!

Friend, I pray you will Join Me on this journey! You see God doesn’t want this kept a secret! He wants this healing, this truth revealed, shared with every person that is held in bondage to their past, bondage to their pain, bondage to the lies they have come to believe and live by…as this is the only way they will ever begin to live in the hope of healing only He can bring!

Piece by piece, lie by lie, He will heal every one with His healing truth!

Heart-of-Stone

This
TRUTH
will
set
you
free!

More information will be coming soon as we begin to setup times for teaching and training Transformation Prayer!

For more information regarding Anchored HOPE please contact us.

Need to Escape…

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When every part of me wants to run, to hide, to not exist anymore…I have a choice to make.  It may be a split second choice, or it may be a recurring choice, but regardless – I have a choice…and so do you!

We probably have never met, but I assure you, we are facing the same need, the same desire for escape – that desperate need to get away, to retreat, to find a way to breathe again, to keep life, circumstances from crashing in on us, to stop the agonizing pain that leaves us paralyzed in fear and lost in a world that cares not for what we suffer.

Just when I think I will never have to face this feeling, this need, this overwhelming desire to escape…here it comes again!

I don’t know what you are going through, or what has brought you to this place.  But I know the One that does know and He understands far more than you could ever imagine!  He is the One and Only reason why I continue to press on, to persevere, to choose to wait it out, knowing He has a better plan ahead, knowing He will use it for good!

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.  For God knew His people in advance, and He chose them to become like His Son, so that His Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.”

Romans 8:28-29 NLT

I have learned in my walk with God, in my growing relationship with Him, that I can trust Him.  I can trust His Word as His Promise, His Truth, and He keeps it all!  He always has and He always will!  And He has never failed me yet…and even when my “old self” is crying out with all I have, and Satan is tempting me to doubt yet again, I still know that I know and I trust Him!  He has a much better plan ahead for me, even if I can’t see it yet, and even if I never do in this lifetime!

So…what do I do with that overwhelming,
all consuming, desperate need to escape?

I RUN TO HIM AS HARD AND FAST AS I CAN!

He has wide open arms waiting for me, cause He already knows what I’m feeling before I begin feeling it, before it wells up within me, consuming my entire being!  And He’s prepared, He’s ready to comfort, to reassure, and give me His peace that is beyond anything this world could ever offer!

Oh I’m begging you – get to know HIM!  Give Him a chance to reveal more of Himself to you day by day!  He has so much love, comfort, joy, hope and peace for you…far greater than anything or anyone you will ever hope to find in this world!

If you have questions, want to talk, or are struggling with depression…I’m here for you. I do understand. Feel free to contact me. I promise to respond to every email, phone call I get. And if you live in Clarksville, Tennessee, I would love to meet you at our group that meets each Thursday night!

For more information regarding Anchored HOPE please contact us.