Help my unbelief

So many times, I will be speaking to someone and realize that I need to be listening to myself.
Thoughts will enter my head that really should not be there. Have you ever thought these?

  1. Why are you leading a class over women’s issues and depression when you still suffer yourself?
  2. Why would life start to look up for you? Nothing has ever gone the way you wanted it to.
  3. Why would anyone want to be your friend or love you? You cannot remember to text or to call or check up on others.
  4. You are so unworthy of anything and always mess everything up.
  5. While trying to make others happy you are losing yourself. Is it worth it?
  6. Life is just a roller coaster might as well buckle in, but then again why bother; you know how it will all end with you messing it all up.
  7. Your kids do not want you around when you do not give in to them so what is the point of trying.
  8. You cannot change anyone so why bother planting that seed.

So, to help myself and maybe you also let us start to break these down:

  1. No, I am not qualified in any means of the word; but I am willing, and I feel like that is where I am being called to serve. In helping others maybe that will give me the encouragement in order to go on. Lord Help me in my unbelief of how far you will go.
  2. When we give our lives over to God there is a transformation that begins to happen. We were living as a caterpillar and now we are being cocooned in order to become that butterfly. We are not leaning on our own understanding but instead trusting that God will supply all our needs according to his richest in Glory.
  3. God loves us, John 3:16- If we remember the love of God, others will see that love and want to draw close to the flame just like a moth. They will get to know you and understand that we are human. 

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

John 3:16 NKJV

  1. Yes, we are all unworthy of God’s blessings. A very dear friend says many times, “the only thing we are worthy of is Hell”. There is never anything we can do to make us worthy. But Jesus is worthy, and he thought enough of us to come and die for us. Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6- When we get down on ourselves it helps to look to the word in order to understand. We may not be messing anything up depending on the outlook or speculation of the person doing it. As long as we are planting that seed to build a legacy and doing God’s will then it’s not messing up. 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;

Philippians 4:6 NKJV

  1. Romans 15:1, Isaiah 1:16- We should help others, but we do need to take care of ourselves also. 

We who are strong must be considerate of those who are sensitive about things like this. We must not just please ourselves.

Romans 15:1 NLT

Wash yourselves and be clean! Get your sins out of my sight. Give up your evil ways.

Isaiah 1:16 NLT

  1. Yes, life is a roller coaster full of thrills and valleys- several spots hit home. Psalm 142:3- Isaiah 40:5- We must keep going in those valleys for those are our times of testing. Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil. Keep saying that through your storms and we will all weather this roller coaster together. 

When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who watch over my way. In the path where I walk     people have hidden a snare for me.

Psalm 142:3 NIV

The glory of the Lord shall be revealed,
And all flesh shall see it together;
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

Isaiah 40:5 NKJV

  1. Today’s society is so different from when I was a kid. Though I tried to raise mine with everything I never had; it did not work either. I was not forceful into bringing them up in church and so now I must live with the fact that I am thought of when they want something. I have been an enabler for my entire life and starting to work through Boundaries to help heal myself. They will come around someday; just continue to pray. 
  2. Keep planting seeds. The harvest will come; whether in our lifetime or theirs somehow someway they will remember those words or actions that you did in order to help them grow. Even with faith, the size of a mustard see we can move mountains, but first, we must have our foundation built upon the Rock. Remember Matthew 13:20 The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. This doesn’t always happen, it may take you sowing the seed, someone else to water the seed, another to prune it – but eventually, that legacy will grow and the word of God will produce a beautiful plant. 

But he who received the seed on stony places, this is he who hears the word and immediately receives it with joy;

Matthew 13:20 NKJV

Hopefully, this will help you go on today and motivate you to continue to do what God is calling you to do in your life. Remember day by day we will all make it along the path of life together. 

If you are willing and obedient,
You shall eat the good of the land;
But if you refuse and rebel,
You shall be devoured by the sword”;
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

Isaiah 1:19-20 NKJV

I would rather be willing and obedient than be devoured by a sword so here I am, use me Lord for your Glory. All the Glory and Honor to him – Blessings to you and your family as we all continue down this path together. I pray that we all find strength in each other and encourage and inspire one another to keep on doing the right thing. 

Karen’s story

My story is one of trauma on top of trauma then of a redemption and transformation that has been changing my life as a butterfly. I grew up in and out of rough situations with drugs and alcohol at the center of it. Violence was such a normal part of my life that it didn’t seem weird at all. Just seemed to be normal.  It wasn’t till I was a teen that God was fully introduced into my life through my stepmom and dad when I went to live with them. Life changed, but my heart and mind didn’t. Something in me was crying out for love that couldn’t be filled of this earth. I certainly tried though and when it didn’t fulfill me, I would crash into a pit thinking I was worthless and unlovable. I tried to end it all several times and included cutting into the ritual.  Little did I know even then God was trying to get my attention to turn to Him yet I rebelled and searched the earth for something that was going to love me so that I felt whole. Part of my story was a 15-year marriage that sent me fully into the pit. I had rebelled against my parents who told me not to see this man or go with him because he was leading me away from the church. To me that meant it was more exciting and enticing, he was the “bad boy”.  I was like Eve enticed by the forbidden fruit. As it says,

“But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ.”

2 Corinthians 11:3

After a time it became evident that he was the wrong choice but then I was too prideful to admit that my parents had been right so I stuck it out thinking he would change. 

“A man of violence entices his neighbor And leads him in a way that is not good.”

Proverbs 16:29

This man was abusive towards his children and I, yet by then I was brainwashed into thinking I couldn’t go out on my own. I had been cut off from my family and friends and felt as if there was nowhere to go. I then plundered into the pit deeper than I had ever been before. I prayed to die daily, prayed for my children to be taken care of by someone better. I felt guilty of all that I had put my kids through and wanted a better life for them. When my ex went to rehab that was the beginning of change, it was my opportunity to file for divorce and realize how deep he had ruined our family financially and mentally. We began the journey of change, yet my mental state continued to decline. With the loss of my grandparents plummeting me into that pit even further I was done. Here I was planning my graduation with my Associates degree, planning a wedding to my new husband, I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I wanted to die. It was after a fight with my fiancé and my son that I reached the point that it was done. I couldn’t take anymore, and everyone was better off without me around. I physically took the knife and tried to cut myself to end it all. The knife wouldn’t cut my skin or puncture my skin at all. I nicked my finger to ensure that it was sharp, and it was, I went to plunge it into my heart and it wouldn’t go. I mean what was wrong with this picture. It was at that point, that God spoke to me. He wasn’t done with my life even though I was.

“For I know the plans I have for you… plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a hope and a future”.

Jeremiah 29:11

That moment I knew it was time to get back into church and rededicate it all to him. So to say that it’s because of him that I’m still here is a dreadful understatement. I’m only alive because God stopped it so to me my life ended and this is where He started. I started looking for support and a group that would understand the mental issues that I had, a friend found Anchored Hope and sent me the information and felt I needed to check them out. Everything I have from this point on was to Glorify him and begin to help others overcome the feelings of hopelessness. He does have plans for all of us, we just need to be still and listen. 

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