How many times have we wished for something someone else had? How many times have we wished we looked like another person? Have you ever just wanted to break down and cry or worse thinking that the grass would be greener if you were someone else?  What about how amazing that dress looked on her or her hair? Wow, I wish I had parents like them? I wish I could win the lottery. How are her kids so well behaved? Their house is just beautiful why can’t we have that? What about trying to keep up with the “Jones’”? So often in life, we don’t hold value to what we have thought that there is something better on the other side. We are all in the race together so let’s celebrate the accomplishments of each other rather than inwardly coveting their blessings. I can say that I’ve had some of these issues and it’s not an easy thing to be green with envy over something else.

My biggest jealousy was always of my brothers. They both have their lives pretty together and both have amazing wives that support them and love them no matter what. Our parents on each side in my eyes favored them, and I would always hear how amazing they were and how awesome their wives are. For a long time, this just caused me to sink further into a pit. I wondered why wasn’t I that awesome? Why wasn’t I good enough for the phone calls or messages that I heard they would get? Why didn’t I feel like they approved of anything I did or bragged on me for being awesome also? I was seeking their approval after all I had done to hurt them, and I pray someday that they would think I’m awesome also. I would feel like the black sheep and after a long time of dwelling on this, it came to my attention that I brought a lot of it on myself as an adult. I have spent a lot of time in prayer over this one because I know the Bible says not to covet. It also says that,

“Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?”

Proverbs 27:4, NIV

To me, this is saying that jealousy will poison our soul worse than anger or fury and I’ve been working to cleanse my soul, not add to it.

The childhood jealousy I haven’t figured out except that I was a constant reminder to the other parent of a marriage that failed. I understand this more after going through a divorce and I have a son that is a spitting image of his father. It’s hard but you must get past it. The child is not responsible for their parents’ actions, look deeper and love the child no matter who gave birth or provided the seed for that beautiful baby to come into this life. All children are a gift from God no matter how they come into this world. We need to cherish them and train them correctly. They desire love and attention just like anyone else. Inside a lot of us is still a child seeking the approval and attention of their parent. Thankfully there is a father who loves us no matter what and wants to have a relationship with him. We just need to open that door and let him in.

As an adult, I pushed my parents away because of decisions I made thinking I knew better than they did. I listened to someone who did not have my best interests at heart and in the end, cost me almost 20 years of time with my parents. That huge gap of time is not something we will ever get back but can only try to move forward. It’s a slow process, sometimes slower than I wish. I get very impatient wanting my parents to be in my life, but they have their lives also.   I keep reading,

“But each person should examine his own work, and then he will have a reason for boasting in himself alone, and not with respect to someone else. For each person will have to carry his own load. The one who is taught the message must share his goods with the teacher. Don’t be deceived; God is not mocked. For whatever a man sows he will also reap, because the one who sows to his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit. So, we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up. Therefore, as we have an opportunity, we must work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith.”

Galatians 6:4-10

So I will continue to sow in the word and reap the rewards when he is ready for me too.

I will be proud of my brothers for all of their accomplishments and achievements and still strive to regain my parents, but I will not let it be the center of my well being. My approval and acceptance come from Christ alone, everyone else is just a bonus. My blessings will come at the time appointed by God and until that time I will bless as many as I can within my power to do so. I saw a post on Facebook from @SimpleSteps2Happy that said, “Today… I choose to be Simply Happy” Go forth all my friends and make each other a blessing rather than coveting and let’s change the world.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s